we live in exciting times now my friends- religions are hitting a high, the corporate world is hitting a high, technology is hitting a high, inventions are hitting a high, knowledge is hitting a high and many more things are hitting a high. the world is now in a place where it has never been before, there is just so much advancements and new things going on that we're rarely catching our breaths.
now, i wonder if all these excitements are good or not ? well, there is both sides to it. we are now more powerful, more knowledgeable, more of living in convenience, more independent, much more spending power, and many more. however, we are also lonelier, more selfish, more tired and exhausted, more disconnected with people, more stressed, lesser and shorter of a life and many more also. which would you want? i think i want the opposite of where the world is headed towards now, there's just too much stress and pressure for everyone if we want to catch up with the world. i know that many of us have no choices, that's why other than needing a God who can help and guide us through these times, we also need some humour in our lives to lighten us up and here are some of them.......
Anger management?
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Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back.
How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush ..'
Brother wanted
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A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,'send me a brother'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....
Losing all your friends
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He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'
Dentist and the cavity
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"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient.
"Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen."
"OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."
Life at work
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Life at work is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.
Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes
Perfect father
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Young son: Pop, did you know Mommy thinks you're perfect?
Father: She does? Wow! How do you know?
Young son: I heard her say it to Mrs. Smith.
Father: When was that?
Young son: Just before she used the word idiot.
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I dialed a number and got the following recording:
'I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the beep.
If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes.'
Beer
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A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job.
He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.
He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall
swearing, "You are the reason I don' t have a wife", second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job". He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says "Stand aside my dear friend, I know you were not involved....
old sisters
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Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
Exercise routine
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The doctor told me, "Physical exercise is good for you." I know that I should do it, but my body is out of shape, so I have worked out this easy idiom exercise program I can do right at work:
Monday
Beat around the bush.
Jump to conclusions.
Climb the walls.
Change my mind.
Wade through paperwork.
Give a rip.
Make a Killing.
Jog my memory.
Tuesday
Drag my heels.
Push my luck.
Go overboard.
Make mountains out of mole hills.
Hit the nail on the head.
Make a Federal Case.
Go through the roof.
Open a window of opportunity.
Take it to the limit.
Wednesday
Bend over backwards.
Jump on the band wagon.
Balance the books.
Raise a stink.
Run around in circles.
Do the Math.
Play Possum.
Kick a habit.
Hold the bag.
Run amuck.
Throw a game.
Tip the scales.
Weather the storm.
Thursday
Toot my own horn.
Climb the ladder of success.
Pull out the stops.
Stand my ground.
Bite off more than I can chew.
Add fuel to the fire.
Make a big to-do.
Quake in my boots.
Friday
Open a can of worms.
Put my foot in my mouth.
Start the ball rolling.
Go over the edge.
Straighten out red tape.
Punch my ticket.
Run with the Big Dogs.
Go from hand to mouth.
Pitch a fit
Go over the hill.
Pound the pavement.
Saturday
Chase rainbows.
Run my mouth.
Twiddle my thumbs
Play mind games
See the light
Pick up the pieces.
Beat a hasty retreat
Watch my P's and Q's.
Pick up the pace.
Play on my heart strings.
Whew! What a workout! And that does it for another hard week....
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